So I'm reading this book, called "The Conscious Bride" someone on the knot recommended it to another bride who was "freaking out" for lack of a better word about some things regarding her wedding. Although I am not freaking out, I thought it sounded interesting enough, and I was able to get it on Amazon.com for a little over 5 bucks.
Most of the book actually seems a little useless, to me at least, it talks about the process of leaving behind your "maidenhood" and your parents etc, all of which I have come to terms with. But something really struck a chord with me, and I was so relieved when I happened upon this part of the book because I was scared, scared of what I was feeling: (here an excerpt from the book)
To marry these days is an act of faith. Most brides are acutely aware of the high divorce rate in this country and many of us come from "broken" homes ourselves. We are aware than when we marry we surrender ourselves to love, and with this surrender comes the possibility of losing this love to either divorce, deflation of the love, or death. The awareness of these possibilities surfaces as the fear of the commitment of marriage. Brides ask themselves: What if I lose my husband? What if he leaves me? What if he falls out of love with me? What if I fall out of love with him? WHat if I lose myself in the marriage, sacrifice too much of myself for the marriage? Again, Brides feel that they cannot speak thse queries aloud, for whenever they mention them they are met with, "Are you having second thoughts about getting married?" Conscious questioning of legitimate issues should not be equated with doubt. On the contrary,its usually when brides feel secure in their love and commitment that they can venture to ask these difficutl questions.
My God! Someone wrote exactly what I am feeling! As the wedding has been drawing closer this fear has begun to grow inside me, and I didnt know what to do, or who to turn to. I was afraid to talk to my parents, for the very reason mentioned above, to be met with questions about having second thoughts. I know that I want to marry this man, I love him with all of my heart, and yet I keep asking myself these questions. I found it so odd that when we lived apart, long distance I somehow felt more secure in the relationship, perhaps because I had less invested? Now, living together, seeing eachother day to day, a wedding 18 days away my mind is wracked with grief "Will he fall out of love with me", "will we be just another number in the divorce rate of this country". BUT, after reading parts of this book, I know its ok to ask myself these questions, its ok to be a little afraid, its ok to have cold feet...as long as I get some socks on and walk down the aisle.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
I totally understand where your brain and heart are. I felt many of your thoughts 18 years ago. I was getting married for a second time and I also had a small child. Was I rushing? Was I replacing? No, I was getting married to someone who was a friend, like minded, and in love with me. We had the same value systems and we believed in many of the same parenting issues. We also both had come from difficult divorces. Neither of us had good examples of a positive relationship from our parents. We have learned a lot along our path. Today we are more in love in a much deeper sense. We have learned to compromise which is key in a relationship and we also continue to "date" another key point.Questions are important. I hope that I have shown my children what a good relationship is through my own. Its not perfect. I am married to Shrek. One of the most important things I learned from I dont know who...a wise woman I am sure is "I am not responsible for Walter" so when he acts like a dork oh well. I love him.
Post a Comment